The Blue Caslte by L.M. Montgomery

Book: The Blue Castle

Author: L.M. Montgomery

Rating: 5 out of 5 dust piles

First Paragraph: If it had not rained on a certain May morning Valancy Stirling's whole life would have been entirely different. She would have gone, with the rest of her clan, to Aunt Wellington's engagement picnic and Dr. Trent would have gone to Montreal. But it did rain and you shall hear what happened to her because of it.

Review: I just finished reading this book and am still sniffling. The link to the book takes you to an online version of it. I loved the characters - all of the Stirlings even. I kept thinking about the secrets in this book. Things each character hid, things they did because it was expected (like the Stirlings, whether or not they did it), about fate (dear old Dr. Trent's letter) and doing something real.

Is there such a thing as fate? Was Barney's life fated to him as soon as his father had a dream that changed everything he had known? The possible chance of overhearing one little conversation that sent him off to explore the world until he settled in Valancy's life? Was it fate that mixed up Dr. Trent's letters? Would Valancy have died if she stayed as she was, a lifeless lump, hacked away until there was nothing left? Like forests, animals, and even rose bushes, are we not eternally struggling for life? Or does the frivolousness of life help us twitter away the hours, helping us forget that we too are mortal?

Grandmother's Secrets: The Ancient Rituals and Healing Power of Belly Dancing by Rosina-Fawzia Al-Rawi

Book: Grandmother's Secrets: The Ancient Rituals and Healing Power of Belly Dancing

Author: Rosina-Fawzia Al-Rawi

Rating: 5 out of 5 Hip Scarves

First Paragraph: When I look back on my childhood, four characters catch my inner eye: my grandmother, my grandfather, and the two pillars of my childhood: Adiba and Amina.

Review: Currently Reading - Coming Soon

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows by J.K. Rowling

Book: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows

Author: J.K. Rowling

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 wands

First Paragraph: (Sorry, I'm not even going to reveal this!)

My Thoughts on the book without trying to give too much away and while I still have about three hundred pages left to read:

• The use of the word 'wand' had me giggling.
• I felt justified that the important part from that one book that they left out in that one movie was going to bite them in the bum by the last book.
• Why are people still surprised that Dumbledore is dead?
• I liked how they revisted past places, characters and items.
• Tons! of magic!
• Why are they sitting around so much?
• Poor Ginny.

Finally, I must warn everyone not to start reading the book unless you have no one else around that would like to spend time with you. The end.

The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore

Book: The Stupidest Angel

Author: Christopher Moore

Rating: 4 out of 5 pine trees

First Paragraph: Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.

Review: My favorite character was Molly. Naked, she runs around with a sword, has a conversation with an angel and a bat, then beats up some zombies. But then...there was the running commentary from the dead people in the cemetary. Or the fruit bat with the sunglasses. I'll just let y'all make your own opinions.

Holy Cow: An Indian Adventure by Sarah MacDonald

Book: Holy Cow: An Indian Adventure

Author: Sarah Macdonald

Rating: 4 out of 5 religions

First Paragraph: I have a dreadful long-term memory. I only remember two traumatic events of my childhood - my brother's near-death by drowning and my own near-death by humiliation when I was rescued by a life-guard while attempting my first lap of the butterfly stroke in the local pool. I vaguely remember truth or dare kisses in the back of a bus, aged about twelve, dancing to "My Sharona" at thirteen, behaving like an absolute arsehole in my adolescence and having a hideous hippie phase involving dreadlocks and tie-dye when I was at college."

Review: This book was not what I thought it would be - twenty-something girl roaming the land, finding everything beautiful, showing the hidden wonders of India. Instead, the land and people were disgusting, nothing like the beautiful India that you see on tv or in Bollywood films, and even the different religions had their moments. And the narrator? She was stuck there while her husband, a journalist, was covering stories. By the end of the book, I was quite taken aback when she said that in their first nine months of marriage, she and her husband had only spent a few weeks together. Weeks?! And so, with that in mind, what would you do while stuck in a country with few of the modern necessities (like air conditioning and bug spray?)? Would you sit at home or would you get out there and see what the country had to offer? India is a land of many religions; instead of Disneyland and SeaWorld, they have lands of the gurus and reincarnated gods - Jainism, Zoroastrianism, Judaism, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, and Hinduism. It was the land of flagellation. The constant bombardment of noise, heat and pollution left the narrator with one place to turn. By the end I wanted to know which religion was the best. Which one the author would choose? None of them, of course, and for the same reason - too many people. There is no perfect religion because there is no perfect people. By the end of the book, she visits a small paradise on earth and even it has it's own problems.

I was surprised in the end when the author brought up the terrorist attacks. Amidst all of the internal struggle and noise pollution, it was a nice jolt back into reality. And with all of the searching she had done, I wondered, was it worth it? Is there a final peace? Or are we just gonna keep on growing?

Satan Says by Sharon Olds

Book: Satan Says

Author: Sharon Olds

Rating: 5 out of 5 blood drops

First Paragraph: I am locked in a little cedar box/with a picture of shepherds pasted onto/the central panel between carvings.


Review:
I didn't hear about her until my junior year in college. An instructor at the time brought this book and several others to class and asked each of us to choose one to study and write a similar poem about. When I asked for this book her response was "...okay...". Let me tell you, I felt encouraged and knew I was on my way to making an A in this course. (Sarcasm, can you love it?)


When I read this book, the first thing that struck me was how she organized it. I didn't realize a poet could do that! With each chapter title a new plateau of subject matter. I felt that I was being led down different tributaries to a large river. I wanted more!


She was raw. She confronted herself. It was like...well...getting your period for the first time. The shock. The thrill. The agony. It was all there. In book form. And no messy clean up. See Sharon's current controversy here.

Call Me Crazy by Anne Heche

Book: Call Me Crazy

Author: Anne Heche

Rating: 5 out of 5 Sticky Gold Stars

First Paragraph: I ran away at two and a half. I only found out – or I should say remembered – this fact of my life after many years of therapy and rebirths and any other measure I could take to get myself up and out of the insanity I was living in until…well, until not so long ago. I’m now thirty-one, turning thirty-two on May 25. I’m a Gemini, but it was not my birth sign that made me the way I was. I wasn’t born with it either. I had to learn to be crazy.

Review: The first thing that drew me to the book was that it was an autobiography of Anne Heche. I like her. I like to read about famous people that I like. I want to hear what they have to say about how they got where they are, any gossip they have to give about the gossip others told about them, how they try to handle themselves while living in the public eye, how they find their privacy. Second, she admits to being crazy amid the sandstorm of media that is there to criticize her every relationship and crazy trip out to the desert to wait for her spaceship.

I think my mouth was agape throughout this entire book. At one point I wanted to yell out 'How can you do that to your children?!' But then I stopped and thought about how this happens a lot, and clearly there is some reasoning behind the way parents act badly. They might hide behind religious fanaticism or a false image that they have lead all of their lives, or maybe they were never told that it's okay to treat people BETTER. By the ended I wanted to thank Anne for her honesty and courage to believe she was God so that her mom would love her. She was crazy and worked her way through it. I still cannot get over how sane she sounded though. While reading the book, I had Anne's voice in my head reading aloud, and very matter-of-factly telling me all of these things that happened in her life. The end. But the party is still going on.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Book: American Gods

Author: Neil Gaiman

Rating: 3 out of 5 sacrifices

First Paragraph: Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough and looked don't-fuck-with me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.

Review: There were too many gods. Too much of them whining about how they weren't worshipped any more. Yes, we get it. You're proud and want to live like any good god should. And they envied men. You would think that their eventual death would make them happier.... I liked some of the new American Gods that he made, but I wanted to see others or understand what 'abstract' god they were.

I enjoyed reading about the 'temples' built across America in the form of roadside attractions. Makes me wonder about the largest ball of tinfoil. Did Gaiman write the nature of the gods well? Yes, but you might want to read up on all of your mythologies first. Preferably Norse and Eastern European if you want to have a better understanding of the major gods described in the book.

Then there is the whole question as to whether or not the main character is Jesus. The entire book he was just waiting to die, and his happiest moments were when he lived in a funeral parlor with the Egyptian gods of death, and when he eventually died. At the end of the book, he left America. Was it to get away from the dying gods or to keep himself from becoming one?

By the end of the story, I was almost wondering if all of the characters in the book weren't gods of some sort. One didn't seem like a god, but rather like an urban legend come true. The repeated theme of America not being a good land for gods kind of made me wonder whether or not this was a good book about gods. I loved the topic but thought that it could have dug a little deeper somehow. Delve more into the makings of the gods instead of just fleeting glances at them in their twilight.

'On Bullshit' by Harry G. Frankfurt

The first paragraph of 'On Bullshit' goes exactly like this:

"One of the most salient features of our culture is that there is so much bullshit. Everyone knows this. Each of us contributes his share. But we tend to take the situation for granted. Most people are rather confident of their ability to recongnize bullshit and to avoid being taken in by it. So the phenomenon has not attracted much deliberate concern, nor attracted much sustained inquiry".

A "sustained inquiry" of the bullshit "phenomenon" constitutes, of course you fool, the rest of the book. Obviously, seeing such a naughty word not only in the title of a book, but used academically throughout, is quite funny. Not hilarious, but funny. Which is a good thing. If this book were a popular coffee table book released in late November and aimed specifically at the what-to-buy-your-relative-you-never-see-and-don't-even-like-
but-are-nevertheless-compelled-to-buy-a-present-for market, it would probably be called "The Complete Book of Bullshit", which wouldn't be at all funny. Which would of course mean the dust-jacket would be splattered with single-adjective quotes from newspaper reviews - "...unputdownable...", "...fantasicaludicrous..." and other meaningless superlatives.

Fortunately, not so. The book doesn't even have a dust-jacket. This is great, because I hate dust-jackets. They're pointless and I always bin them. Dust-jackets are to books what coasters are to coffee tables: a useless peripheral designed only to make you feel guilty and inadequate for doing exaclty what you're supposed to do with the object being "protected".

So that's two reasons to read this book, or perhaps three. There's no need to be precise, because the book itself has enough precision left over for you. It ventures repeatedly into the philosophy of language, politics, sociology and all kinds of stuff you're never going to have time to understand. But it's short (67 pages), small (about 3x2 inches) and a very relaxing shade of yellowy brown. It's more than likely I'll finish reading it before I die.

Recommendations

I am willing to take recommendations from the Internets. Whether or not I am able to read them depends upon the books availability and whether or not the pixie's with spears inside my head are taking a siesta. If you do recommend a book, then I promise to use your name as the person who recommended that book. Whether or not I curse you out like the wretched dog you are is another question entirely.

~C

Mirror Mirror by Gregory Maguire

Book: Mirror Mirror

Author: Gregory Maguire

Rating: 3 out of 5 apples

First Paragraph: From the arable river lands to the south, the approach to Montefiore appears a sequence of relaxed hills. In the late spring, when the puckers of red poppy blossom are scattered against the green of the season, it can look like so much washing, like mounds of Persian silk and Florentine brocade lightly tossed in heaps. Each successive rise takes on a new color, indefinably more fervent, an aspect of distance and time stained by the shadows of clouds, or bleached when the sun takes a certain position.


Review: I enjoyed Maguire's other books, but Mirror Mirror did not fulfill me as the others did. Maybe it was because I felt like his writing of the Borgias was mediocre at best. Maybe my expectations were too great. I felt like I could have gotten the same psyche of the evil family if I had just read a non-fiction book. What disappointed me most was how this book actually did read more like a fairy tale than anything. The cottage suddenly forming in the woods was way too fantasical as well as the men of stone taking place. If you are going to put real people in a book about a fantasy novel then keep the book in the real world. Was the house and its terrain supposed to be believed as so remote from reality that magic existed?

The dumb innocent girl. The protective father. The coniving older beauty queen. The crazy warlord. And then the seven stone men. Or, possibly eight if you count the dog. Why were they of the earth? Are we to believe that the land is so plentiful here that men pop out of the earth? I don't know. It sounds like a fairy tale to me.

Eye of the World by Robert Jordan

BOOK: Eye of the World, book one
of the Wheel of Time series

AUTHOR: Robert Jordan

RATING: 4 out of 5 toe socks

FIRST PARAGRAPH: The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose in the Mountains of Mist. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.

REVIEW: The best thing about this book was how the fantasy world was not romanticized. At all. Robert Jordan gives all of the dirty bits and pieces from uncomfortable hay stacks to the smell of manure in the streets. I enjoy the smell of manure in the streets. To me it means that the author has not forgotten the little details that puts the reader in the story, instead of just having them admire a nice picture of an obvious fantasy land that you have created in hopes of getting it made into a major motion picture.

It is definitely a first book in regards to character growth. At some point I plan on continuing to read the series and hope to see how much more these characters grow. After eight hundred and fourteen pages, I still felt like I was at the beginning of the book. So much had happened, there was a beginning and an end; yet so many questions left unanswered.

Jordan successfully set up a world of his own in the first book to the Wheel of Time series. It was not rushed and long, drawn-out stories and backgrounds were almost non-existant, unless it helped to further the plot. In all of the book there was only one overly drawn out story and it's telling served a purpose. Writing a cohesive novel is much like pruning a rose bush, you have to cut back all of the distracting bullshit in order to let your story grow.

~C